My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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