Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I am naked and annoyed.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
