Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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