i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
