my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
