Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
