my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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