I just cut my nipple shaving
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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