I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Randomize
