im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
