heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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