it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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