Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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