she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
