imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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