my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
