is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize