her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
