I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
