She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
