I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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