Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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