If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
