There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Is it because I queefed?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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