Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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