Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
