I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
