It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
