Cold hands, warm shart.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
