the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Pooping to opera.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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