Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
