Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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