tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
