one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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