You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
