I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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