Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
