I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
