Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
