If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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