I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
i need some magic done to my vagina
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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