apparently the secret to your success is patron
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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