Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
