I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
