There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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