I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
