Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
