Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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