It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
