Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
