Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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