i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I just threw up on my dentist
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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