Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize