He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
