: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh god it's open bar.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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