I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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