Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
