you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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