there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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