i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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