you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
