remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
