My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
