I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Who wears a wallet chain?!
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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