I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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