I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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