Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
